


What Do You Do With the Leftover You?

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, M/M, Post-Alec Lightwood's Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-31 11:14:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20114194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: Alec may be gone, but he has one last gift to give to Magnus...





	What Do You Do With the Leftover You?

The funeral was difficult. In fact, it was the second most difficult thing that Magnus Bane, in all of the centuries he existed, ever had to do. It was impossible to say goodbye to Alec, not when he still saw him everywhere he looked. It didn’t feel real to stand among a hall of Shadowhunters, speaking hollow words that felt like nothing instead of the symbolic release they were meant to be. 

The funeral was difficult, but not as difficult as coming home to an empty home is. It somehow seems more final now. It’s been three days since it happened. They feel like a blur, and for so much of it he forced himself to put on a brave front, to be a comfort to Isabelle and Jace and Maryse, to make decisions he never expected to make so soon. For three days he had nothing but distractions, the ceremony a purpose to work towards if nothing else, constantly surrounded by people to keep up the act for. 

But there’s no one left to pretend for now that he’s home and the hugs and hand shaking and condolences are over. 

With nothing left to use as an excuse, Magnus stares down at the envelope Isabelle gave him two days ago with his name written across in Alec’s handwriting. He considers not opening it at all, not sure if he’s ready for the contents (whatever they may be)... but he knows that’s selfish. This is Alec’s final wish, as it were, and he’s already put off opening it for too long. 

He opens the envelope slowly, taking out a letter and a key. 

_ Dear Magnus, _

_ If you’re reading this, I’m sorry. I obviously don’t know the exact circumstances but I’m certain they couldn’t possibly be good, and I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. I know we talked about it, that we knew it would come some day, but if this reached you then it came much sooner than either of us hoped. _

_ I could go on for pages about how much I love you, how amazing you are, how kind your soul is and how I wish I could’ve been around longer to watch you change the world around you for the better one day at a time. Instead, I’m going to keep this short and sweet, because I never was great at putting my feelings into words. I love you, Magnus Bane, and I always will, long after I rest in the City of Bones. _

_ When I found you, you told me your heart was closed off and I unlocked something in you. Don’t lock yourself away again after me, keep your heart open for the next person lucky enough to deserve your love. _

_ Aku cinta kamu, _

_ Alexander _

_ P.S. I asked you for a gift once, but it wasn’t for me, not truly. The key is to a room in the basement of the Institute where I kept the parrot you gave me. Go alone, and don’t say anything when you’re around him. It’ll make sense once you’re there. I hope he helps, and that I’m not wildly off-base in this final gift I’m leaving for you. I love you. _

Magnus re-reads the letter three times, only putting it down when the tears in his eyes make it impossible to make out the words on the paper and he doesn’t dare risk ruining the letter itself with water stains smearing the ink. Instead he picks up the key and considers it. He almost forgot about the African grey Parrot he gave to Alexander, not that he could be blamed given… what happened. But now he’s full of curiosity that manages to pierce through the looming dread and darkness for just a moment. A moment is all he needs to wipe the tears from his eyes and portal himself to the Institute. 

“Magnus? What are you doing here?” It’s Underhill who greets him first. Magnus is surprised until he realizes it’s the middle of the night, and everyone else is likely asleep or on patrol. “Not that you aren’t always welcome here, I just thought…” Underhill trails off, eyeing Magnus carefully. Magnus stares back, noting the dark circles under the Shadowhunter’s eyes and their general redness - he’d been crying recently. Crying over Alexander. 

_ ‘Well that makes two of us _’ Magnus thinks, though he doesn’t say anything aloud. Instead, he says, “Alexander left me a key to a room in the basement, told me to only go in alone, though. I don’t suppose you could show me which one?” He holds up the old, bronze key. 

Underhill nods. “He was always disappearing down there and refused to tell anyone why. Guess you’ll be the one to find out. Here, I’ll show you.” 

Underhill leads the way into the elevator and down to the lower level, pointing out the door and then hesitating. “Should I wait?” 

Magnus shakes his head. “I can find my way back up, if that’s alright with you.” 

Underhill only nods and turns to leave. 

Once he’s gone Magnus places the key in the lock and opens the door. 

There’s no cage in the room, which is the first thing he expects to see. Instead the parrot has free reign of the room full of food and water and places to perch and even actual trees, granted they’re potted, but _ still _ . Magnus opens his mouth to wonder aloud what all of this is about when he remembers the letter. _ Don’t say anything when you’re around him _. 

Alright, he thinks. So what now? Magnus approaches the bird who is in the corner of the room on a branch, waiting. And waiting. And just when he’s certain that this is all some sort of joke, or a test, or _ something _, the parrot speaks and Magnus’ heart skips a beat. 

“Hey, Magnus.” It’s the parrot. Magnus _ knows _ it’s the parrot, but the sound that reaches his ears is Alexander’s voice. Those are Alexander’s words. 

“I love you so much.” 

Magnus stifles a sob, balling his hand into a fist and biting down on it to stop from crying out. 

“You’re my world.” “I hope you’re doing well.” “I know you miss me. I miss you, too.” 

Magnus doesn’t know how long he sits in that room, silent tears streaming down his face. Sometimes the bird speaks one sentence after another, other times he’s silent for minutes at a time, maybe hours. At some point the bird starts snoring - Magnus realizes with a soft smile that Alec must’ve fallen asleep in here at least once for the parrot to mimic his trilling snores perfectly. 

The thing the parrot repeats the most often is ‘I love you’. It’s clear that Alec spoke those words the most frequently, making sure if nothing else stuck this is the one declaration he’d leave behind. The realization is too much and Magnus has to leave the room, making it into the hallway and just barely allowing the door to shut behind him before he presses his back against it and sinks down, his head falling to rest in his hands as he cries properly for the first time since he got the news. 

He’s certain Underhill is watching him on the security camera - Alec’s husband or not, he’s still a Warlock alone in the Institute, one who is emotionally compromised at that - but no one comes to check on him or escort him out in the time he spends sobbing in the hallway. He’s grateful for that much. 

But not as grateful as he is for the gift Alec left behind for him. Collecting himself enough to stand again, he goes back inside the room to gather the parrot’s things (_ Alec’s things _) and shifts the warding around him enough to portal both him and the bird back home. He doesn’t want to risk it picking up any voice that isn’t Alexander’s. 

He’ll clear out the small storage room for the parrot later, but for now he places him in the bedroom, immediately soundproofing the room inside and out. He isn’t expecting visitors, not since he stopped answering the door for them two days ago, so silence shouldn’t be an issue… but better safe than sorry. 

It’s only then that it hits him: it was in this very spot that Alec first brought up the idea of the bird. He remembers the conversation like it was yesterday. 

_ “Hey, Magnus,” Alec said, his tone of voice lilting at the end with the implication of having much more to say if Magnus had the time. _

_ Magnus always had time for Alec. _

_ “Yes, Alexander?” _

_ “A while back Simon told me about this snake in India you said you made for Camille once…” Alec started, trailing off a bit as he considered the best way to word whatever was on his mind. Magnus, fearing this would be some sort of commentary on the very few physical gifts he’d given Alec during their time together, immediately hopped on the defensive. _

_ “When I said it was the best gift I ever gave, I hope you know it means nothing to me now that we’re-” _

_ “No, no. That isn’t… that’s not what this is about,” Alec interrupted. “Simon said it was immortal, the way you made it so long ago. I was wondering if there was something I wanted… if I could ask for something similar?” _

_ “Darling, if you want a snake I’ll go right back there and take that one back from her, it’s hardly as if she deserves it.” _

_ Alec frowned, shaking his head. “No, not a snake. A parrot… an African grey parrot.” _   
  
_“You want an immortal parrot?” Magnus questioned, not sure where this was coming from all of a sudden. _

_ Alec flushed, the red blush spreading quickly across his cheeks. “Yes. I can’t tell you why, I just-- you know what, never mind. It was a stupid idea. Forget I asked.” _

_ Alec turned to leave but Magnus reached out, catching him by the elbow. “No, wait. You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to. If it’s something you really want, of course I can do it for you.” _

_ Magnus couldn’t pretend to understand the relief that crossed Alec’s face at that. “Really?” _

_ “Yes, even if it means living with a parrot, of all animals, though I’m not sure how the Chairman is going to feel about that,” Magnus admitted. _

_ Alec only shook his head. “No, it’ll stay at the Institute. Listen, I know this all sounds a little crazy right now, but I promise it’ll all make sense one day.” _

Magnus asked about the parrot a number of times after gifting him to Alexander, but each time Alec only repeated that Magnus would find out when it was time. He spent three years wondering curiously when that time would be and now that it’s here he wishes more than anything that it had never come. 

The parrot makes sense now, yes, and for Magnus perhaps it’s the only thing in this world without Alexander Gideon Lightwood-Bane that does. 

...but for the first time in three days, Magnus falls asleep almost immediately, with the soft, comforting words (and occasional snores) of his husband filling the room once more. He continues to do so for days, which turn into weeks, which turn into months and years and decades, the reminder of Alec’s kind heart keeping him grounded in his darkest hours. Magnus tells himself he’ll move the parrot somewhere more remote when he’s ready but instead he ensures no one other than himself enters the bedroom he once shared with Alexander, not sure if he'll ever reach a point the comfort won’t be needed. And in the moments he considers locking himself away to never leave again, Alec’s voice is there to wish him love, happiness, and peace. 

And Magnus Bane never was one to deny Alexander something he wanted. 

**Author's Note:**

> ( Credit to [Bri](http://twitter.com/Carmenlire) for the suggestion that fueled the last paragraph, which left this sliiiiiiiightly less angsty than I planned on leaving it, and for looking through this before I set it free into the world. <3 
> 
> Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell)! <3 )


End file.
